The other day I was riding my bike up and over hill after hill. Each hill as I went down gave me a rush of warm wind in my face and presented me with a rush of the sense of freedom. At the time I had one ear bud in and my iPod turned to the song Bigger Than My Body by John Mayer. I've heard this song several times and as a result the song was just background music. But with the rush of air going through my hair and sun kissing my shoulders, the meaning of the song fully hit home. I guess I always knew what he was saying, logically, but not with my heart. "I am bigger than my body gives me credit for". This took me back to a recent yoga class I took and the teacher said "hold this pose until you absolutely feel like you can't do it anymore...and then hold it for three more breaths just to prove to yourself that you have control over your body." Its a cliche of mind over matter, but it's beyond true. My body is fragile and forever aging, but my spirit, only grows and enhances. This is why I always compare me to a tree, I am always reaching for the sun and I have scars and knots and quirks and turns, but I grow past them. If I feel like my body is breaking down on me or if I feel it's at it's peak, my spirit is moving forward regardless, and God reminds me that my spirit moves forward for eternity with Him.
I will look in the mirror and do what any other person does, I pick at myself, I think "oh my belly is getting out there" or "my hair is way too frizzy" or "my face is lopsided" or "my face looks like a pizza with extra pepperonis". Doing this only brings you down which is kind of a "no duh" moment but it's true. I find myself thinking lower and lower of myself every time I look in the mirror. I have literally told one of my dearest friends that I wish, I WISH that there was no such thing as a reflection so I would never notice how hideous I felt. Now I say "how hideous I felt" because if I actually publish that "I am hideous" then it would just be embedded in my brain as if it was official or as if I now had physical proof. The mind will play dirty tricks on us, no matter how gorgeous someone is they always find something wrong or think something is wrong when really that's part of what makes them so stunning. I am not hideous. Society has seem to have taught us that we have to aim for "theres always something better, or more, or bigger" that we are never good enough. That our looks, the natural face that God has given us, isn't even good enough to publish in magazines, they have to be photoshopped before exposed to the world. What defines beauty? And does our bodies trap what is inside of us? We are bigger than our bodies.
I tried something, which might sound silly to some but it actually helped, I asked a few people that I know care for me for 10 things that they liked about me. A few people even did more than 10 being the people I adore. You know what? Maybe one of the things people sent to me emphasized my "looks" or "beauty", and I'm not saying this as in "wow I must REALLY be hideous" I'm saying it as "look how much more there is to love in one person". We are FILLED with so many emotions, thoughts, ideas, stories, experiences, knowledge and much much more, yet all people can think about in the morning is if their hair is flat or big or if their make up is right or if they have enough muscles or whatever it may be. I feel like it's almost a frowned upon thing for people to be confident in them selves or feel beautiful or handsome. That we must always pick at our selves like we are some 7th grade frog dissection, we just cut ourselves to pieces. Now of course there is a fine line between confidence and cocky and it's hard to figure out which one is which, I would love to say that I had the answer and that I had all the confidence in the world, but I don't. But I can tell you where to look for this confidence and love. Some people refer to Him as Father or Lord or King of Kings or Yahweh or I AM or God or Jesus. Whatever you call Him, He has the answer. He also promises us a life of eternity with Him and that's our souls not our bodies, I have to remind myself of this every day, it's my soul that matters. Now does this mean I can go trash my body and abuse it as much as I like? Of course not it is still the temple of the Holy Spirit, but is it on the top three things that matters? No.
My body isn't my limitation. My body is given to me, molded by, shaped by, created into a piece of art by God. Why do I waste time tearing it down? Why do I spend more time criticizing myself than loving myself? When can I change that? It's a process but eventually it wont matter what I think about my body, because God will show me what it means to Him.
My body isn't my limitation! I can do whatever I put my MIND to. I can go dance my little ass off if I want to! I can go do yoga till my arms run away from me! I can paint the world! I can worship God in any way I want! Nothing is stopping me, but myself. My fear of failure locks me, traps me, in a cage of doubt. If I just let that go, I can do more than I ever thought I could. If I just let go of my fear of looking ugly or doing something wrong or anything along those lines, I am invincible.
This is a call to the color-blind
This is an IOU
I'm stranded behind a horizon line
Tied up in something true
Yes, I'm grounded
Got my wings clipped
I'm surrounded (by)
All this pavement
Guess I'll circle
While I'm waiting
For my fuse to dry
Someday I'll fly
Someday I'll soar
Someday I'll be so damn much more
Cause I'm bigger than my body gives me credit for
Why is it not my time?
What is there more to learn?
Shed this skin I've been tripping in
Never to quite return
Yes, I'm grounded
Got my wings clipped
I'm surrounded (by)
All this pavement
Guess I'll circle
While I'm waiting
For my fuse to dry
Someday I'll fly
Someday I'll soar
Someday I'll be so damn much more
Cause I'm bigger than my body gives me credit for
Cause I'm bigger than my body now
Maybe I'll tangle in the power lines
And it might be over in a second's time
But I'll gladly go down in a flame
If the flame's what it takes to remember my name
Yes, I'm grounded
Got my wings clipped
I'm surrounded (by)
All this pavement
Guess I'll circle
While I'm waiting
For my fuse to dry
For my fuse to dry
Someday I'll fly
Someday I'll soar
Someday I'll be so damn much more
Cause I'm bigger than my body
I'm bigger than my body
I'm bigger than my body now
