Wednesday, May 25, 2011

Cootie Catcher Limitation

My life has taken an incredible yet difficult turn. Within days my life went from a simple high schooler finishing junior year, mountain girl, dancer, (who happened to have a stalker), to a girl who now can't tell anyone where she is and is missing out on her junior prom, end of year events and is getting a whole other start. It is all very exciting, but also a bit saddening, I never knew what it meant to home sick until now. After my safety had been threatened again my mom took action. She wasn't about to wait around and wait for me to get shot, or beaten or hurt in any way. With a day's notice I was put on a plane to God knows where.

How many new starts does one get in one life time? I have seemed to have 3 at least already. It defiantly keeps me on my toes but it also keeps me a bit scattered. I feel like my life is a cootie catcher, alternating openings and tabs with a new number and word. Although a regular cootie catcher is predictable because of the inevitable patterns back and forth, my cootie catcher's fortunes bounce between tabs and lands on whichever one God chooses.Only God knows what each tab says and which number leads to what. And I'm okay with that, because if I knew the pattern behind my cootie catcher of a life I would probably end up cheating myself out on the crazy adventure God has in store for me. All I can do is choose the different numbers God lays out in front of me and see where it leads.

I will be okay no matter which way I go because I know that God wont give me anything I can't handle. Does that mean it will be easy or painless or a smooth path, of course not. Each way I go will make me stronger. Every mountain I climb I know that the next one will be a little easier because of the endurance and strength I have gained from the last mountain.
My clothes had to be shipped to me because I had no time to pack, but honestly when my clothes came in all I wanted to do was cry. You would think that I would be happy that I didn't have to live off the same 4 outfits I brought any more. But in all honesty it made the move seem much much much more real. The limited clothing made it feel more like a short visit, instead of a move. I am hoping that this isn't a forever change. It feels unfair that I had to leave because I couldn't be kept safe instead of the other way around. I don't want to ruin anyone's life and I don't want to be one that screams to have justice, but I think it is fair to say that I shouldn't have had been the one to leave. Don't get me wrong, I am completely grateful for the the early summer and the opportunity to try out some independence and explore a new city in a completely new and unfamiliar place. I get to make new friends when I find the chance and I get to have some work experience. It's defiantly a blessing in  disguise but the sudden change kind of took my breath away like the first drop of a roller coaster. You know the ride is going to be fun, however that first dip always catches in your throat. It's exciting but terrifying at the same time, but isn't that one of the best parts of this unpredictable life God has given us?

This is just a reminder to dance in the rain, look at the silver lining and praise God that there is so many opportunities in this life and there is no such thing as being completely stuck. Even when you think you are too committed to something, school, sports, work, whatever it may be, there is always the option to drop everything that you are doing and start over. Thank God that is an option because He knows how messed up things can get, and He knows what is best for us even when we don't know. I love Jesus, He just saves me over and over and over, first from myself, then from temptations of this world, and now from others as well, He's more than I could ever ask for.

I made a cootie catcher inspired by this newly exposed journey laid down for me:

My personal Cootie Catcher says these things:
1: Rejoice my love, rejoice, in what falls and what flourishes. (Neruda)
2: He will give a crown of beauty for ashes.- Isaiah 61:3
3: The more difficult something became, the more rewarding it was in the end. (Unknown)
4: Trees have knots and scars but they still reach for the sky, do likewise. (<---self quoted)
5: Maybe your reason why all the doors are closed you could open one that leads you to the perfect road. (Katy Perry)
6: The present is just that, a present. (Unknown)
7: There is a reason we are called human beings and not human "doers", just be. (Unknown)
8. When life has been turned upside down, do a handstand and it will seem less crazy. (Keni Love)

Worship Song: Blessings By: Laura Story

We pray for blessings
We pray for peace
Comfort for family, protection while we sleep
We pray for healing, for prosperity
We pray for Your mighty hand to ease our suffering
All the while, You hear each spoken need
Yet love is way too much to give us lesser things
‘Cause what if your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know You’re near
What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise
We pray for wisdom
Your voice to hear
We cry in anger when we cannot feel You near
We doubt your goodness, we doubt your love
As if every promise from Your Word is not enough
All the while, You hear each desperate plea
And long that we’d have faith to believe
When friends betray us
When darkness seems to win
We know that pain reminds this heart
That this is not our home
What if my greatest disappointments
Or the aching of this life
Is the revealing of a greater thirst this world can’t satisfy
What if trials of this life
The rain, the storms, the hardest nights
Are your mercies in disguise