Friday, April 29, 2011

Ten Reasons Why It Should Stop Snowing

I just took this picture, I know I live in a mountain town but come on!
1. The birdies will be confused and think it's winter and go away.
2. I would very much like to start seeing more than the color white, I feel like I'm in an insane asylum, I need color or you will need to send me to an insane asylum.
3. I need to get some sun on my legs, they are so white they literally reflect the sun, and I'm supposed to be Mexican, those genes obviously didn't make the cut.
4. The snow will make my mother depressed and thats no good, so snow; CUT IT OUT.
5. The mountain is closed therefore the snow is useless.
6. I just got a pair of flip flops and I would enjoy if I could wear them before the end of the school year.
7. I would like to walk down my ridiculously steep driveway with out fearing I'm going to slip and die.
8. I would like to be able to find shapes in clouds on a sunny day while I'm sitting in class day dreaming instead of seeing this big blob of white.
9.  My winter coat's zipper has broken so obviously its a cosmic sign that the snow must go away.
10. I have lost my liking for snow.

My mom was telling me about some funny things people have posted on facebook about the snow, here are a few:
-"Old Man Winter you'd think at youre age you'd head to the desert for some sun and fun. Now scram!"
-"Mother Nature, It's becoming painfully obvious you have not been checking the suggestion box!"
-"Snow gods! Please save some for next year!"
And I said " I think spring is lying to me, it's secretly winter regardless of what angle the earth is at."
and " yea winter needs to get over it's self and share some of the spotlight with the other seasons GOSH!"

Have anything to say about winter? Post a comment. And pray the snow will go away! 

Thursday, April 28, 2011

Keni's Ongoing Metaphor

Today I had the privilege of taking a yoga class with one of my favorite yoga teachers and I was even more lucky when it turned out just to be me, Keni and the yoga teacher, talk about some major attention from the teacher! Our latest challenge has been the handstand. The other class Keni and I attended Keni was struggling to get into the hand stand, she has the strength and the strategy but there was something blocking her. The teacher told her that handstands are way more mentally involved than one would suspect. Its a mental block of going upside down. So Keni searched herself and found that block and moved it (easier said than done). She went into a beautiful handstand with out even hitting the wall, it was like magic!

Over the past few days I have been really focused on staying in the present, and experiencing my moment then and there. I have also been trying to teach myself to allow me to play, make mistakes, make risks and not worry about being less than perfect. I have been searching myself to find my mental block, reviewing the past few days in my head, reiterating thought after thought, searching for my brick wall. I have so many walls built up from having my trust and heart broken. How could I not? But as I look back I really see that the cement of my walls is fear.

After having the challenge of my trust on Wednesday (See my blog Just Trust), Keni sent me a voice message on my phone, and one thing she said was "it's like a handstand", a mental block. Sometimes people just psych themselves out, I'm physically fine, not a scratch or sore on me. But in my head I was going through battle after battle after battle, dwelling on the diaphragm shuttering fear that happened yesterday. I needed to let go, to breathe, to move forward. It was one day, and it's over. The best thing about it being in the past, is that I will never ever experience the same exact thing again. Maybe something similar but not identical. The only thing keeping me back was myself, and my fear.

I clawed the sticky mat so much to the point my knuckles were white, I tucked in my tail bone and filled my back, sank my heart forward and my arms in the back of my sockets. I sucked in a deep breath, as I exhaled I rose onto my toes and tipped my way on to my hands, and inhaled as I kicked one leg up, the other shortly following, I bounced against the walls. I squeezed my forearms together and stared at my white knuckles, I leaned against the wall, and thought of what I feared and why, then I said "It's all for you God, I have nothing to fear with You" one flexed, alive, foot came off the wall, shooting energy straight to the ceiling, I exhaled as I let the other foot off the wall and wiggled for a moment, then rested one foot on the wall. I took another breath and lifted up my foot, and some would say it's the rush of being upside down but my heart felt lighter and I let out a laugh as I stood on my hands. Satisfied I let one foot down to meet between my hands and then the other leg came down as I stood up.

Fear is like a handstand. You need to push the wall away before you can conquer it. You need to give it to God and He will show you the meaning of it. Keni says that life is like a handstand, you will get over the little things and then you're there. You're doing it! Now just feel it, breathe into it, be present.

The present is just that, a present. God has gifted us with so many things. God knew that this week would have been hard if I didn't have my passions to experience God through. God provided me with the opportunity to feel the life of my body and spirit engulf me with yoga. He gifted me the experience of playing with paints and inks and art to worship Him through my product. Each thing brought me closer to God. It also proved to me that I don't need to be involved in every church event thing ever to be closer to God. I can play with the gifts he has presented to me. God is just so wonderful, isn't He?

My songs for today are:
My Savior, My God- Aaron Shust
More- Matthew West
Praise You In This Storm- Casting Crows 

Oh and a representative of the Day Of Silence organization contacted me and said they really liked my blog on the Day Of Silence and they posted it on their official blog!!!! Check it out:
If you haven't read it you can just read it on there or you can find it under my archive, it's called Day Of Silence Journal 04/15/11 hope you like it :)

Wednesday, April 27, 2011

Fly, Be Present, Trust

Tonight I had the pleasure of going to an open art class, one not about how "good" you are or how "technically refined" of an artist you are or what the "final product" looks like. The class was purely just to play, and learn to allow yourself to not worry if something ends up "bad". It reminded me that I can't go into a painting or drawing and be scared about how it might "fail", or turn out looking like a 5 year old got a hold of paints. I didn't have to worry about what grade I'd get on whatever I made. I wasn't even told what to make. I was simply shown some interesting ways to play with ink and paint and markers and found my own way of playing. I ended up painting with a tooth pick and a smashed up paint brush and a Chinese pencil. But my mind was so caught up with my day (read my earlier post) and still stressed. The teacher told us to be present, to push out the world and focus on playing and healing yourself. Be present. We read several quotes to get into the mindset and my favorite quote follows: "We lose the power of the moment because we're so rarely in it. We're reliving the past or speculating about the future. We continue to believe that tomorrow's the day when I'll be more capable, more wealthy, more fit, and more loving. Yet intuition, creativity, connection, soul and inspiration are available only in the present moment.-Unknown Writer"
 I had no idea what to make. Luckily we had time to write in the beginning this is what I ended up writing:

Trust is my word of the day. Trust in God, trust myself, trust the people around me not to judge but expect me to be nothing but me. I need to trust that I am safe and trust that I am cared for and people notice I am here. I am here, I am not transparent, I am Meg and nothing else. I am who I am and I have to trust that I am who I am for a reason and purpose. It was not a mistake. I have to trust that I am more than a bundle of atoms wrapped in sexual desire and natural survival instincts. I have to trust that I am more than an animal, that my purpose isn't only to extend the species.

My painting or whatever you want to call it ended up with my tree and a bird and almost looking like it has purple burns but not burns on it. It says fly all over some places more apparent than others, but thats just what I need to do, I need to trust, and fly with it. Here is what I ended up with: I liked it more than I thought I would:
It was extremely relieving to do this work shop, I feel much more free.

Just Trust

Do something relaxing in the evening, get a good night's sleep, wake up with optimism, have a hardy breakfast, and be prepared to sit in a class room for 3 hours racking your brains on the ACT. This day was already set up to be stressful, I was already praying that I would be focused. I walk into school with a positive attitude, bouncy as usual, chatting away with my friend Daril. Our morning pattern is the classic "high school girl" in movies, we go into the bathroom and I watch Daril do her make up and blab about whatever is the topic of today. The bathroom is also the only place you could text without worrying about a teacher catching you by looking over your shoulder. I receive a text from one of my freshman friends saying "I just ran into your ex, I don't remember his name, he says he has to take the ACT". This was the ex who had previously harassed me, and now I have a restraining order against, 100 yards, its no secret, the school knows, my friends know so they could keep an eye out for me as well. I knew he was still going to night school at my school but otherwise he wasn't allowed to go into the school until 4pm and he had to leave at 8pm. My heart starts to race and I show Daril the text, her natural response is "Noooooo.....seriously?" We rush over to the wall that lists the classrooms people are in for the ACT. I find his name, he's just around the corner of where I am testing. You have to be kidding me, the school didn't even tell me! Am I wrong to think I deserve a warning if he is going to be in the same building as me. I understand he needs to take the ACT but couldn't they have warned me? Or told me? If it wasn't for that text I could have ran into him easily during breaks, or lunch, or whenever! I rushed to the bathroom to call my mom and she told me to just take my test and not to worry but be careful and don't go where he's expected to be. But I was completely shaken, I was teary eyed, and genuinely scared. I went to my testing room, the long way around, avoiding the room I knew he was in. I rushed into my classroom, my heart racing. They routinely read off the instructions mechanically, but I couldn't seen to tare my eyes off the door. It didn't make any sense for me to be so stressed out, he was in his room, he wasn't allowed to leave, I was safe, but all the logical reasons couldn't calm me down. My heart was pounding.

It was at this point that I realized I was going to break out into tears if I didn't do something. What could I do? I'm stuck in this room for 3 hours, I can't get out of my seat, I can't talk, but wait, I can talk, I can talk to God. I pressed my face into the palms of my hands to physically stop the tears and I prayed. I prayed for strength and security and to just trust that God wouldn't let anything happen to me. I prayed that my ex would be reasonable today, and that he would pray to God and find strength in God and not be tempted to come find me or go near where I am. I prayed for him to be calm and to be soothed by God. I prayed that I would have the trust in God, trust is the hardest for me after all the hurt I've been through. I repeated "Just Trust" in my head over and over. I imagined sitting on God's lap in His throne, like a little child sitting in their daddy's lap watching a game of baseball. I imagined Him holding me and soothing me, rocking me saying "It's okay, I have you, it's okay" over and over. I clung to that image as I plunged myself into the first test, writing. Good that is what I need, writing, I know writing. The questions almost amused me because of how easy they were compared to the AP English Literature multiple choice questions I had been doing for the past school year. I was able to turn my focus to the test at hand and not think of my fears, and ignore the fact that I was gripping the pencil harder than usual. Just Trust, I reminded myself. The next test was math, I was lost, I skimmed the test for questions that I might know the sequence of solving it. Most questions I had to guess on, I'm not a math person, numbers don't seem important to my life, numbers seem restricting in my mind. I don't like answers to be direct, this is it, this is the only answer and this is the only way to get to the answer. I like answers that vary and answers that have different journeys to the solution. 

When I finished the test I just put my head down and floated back into prayer. I just talked to God, about why I was afraid, I told Him I didn't feel safe, I told Him I was hurting, I told Him I didn't want my ex to get into trouble, I told Him I didn't want to be a hindrance to my ex's life. I prayed that my ex would move on, and not even consider to walk in my direction. I prayed that I could just trust God. I felt fine to be in the room at last, because I knew only teachers were allowed in and out during testing.

Then the break came, I found Daril and we went to the girl's bathroom again. If it wasn't as crowded I would have stayed in there the whole 15 minuets but I felt like I couldn't breathe. I felt like we were just a herd of cattle, moved to the field to the stall. In and out of class rooms, the teachers being the cowhands.Daril distracted me and we ate donuts and didn't dare go around the corner where there was the possibility that my ex might be there. When the break was finally over I migrated with the rest of the class back into the testing area. I was still on end. Next test was Reading, thank God, another way to distract me. I made it through the reading just fine, being relieved that I didn't have to analyze the reading as in depth as AP English Literature. Then came science, and eventually the testing was over. I prayed to God before I left the room that I wouldn't even see my ex. But I was jumpy, Daril commented on how skittish and flinchy I was. We were going down the stairs on our way to go to lunch and I was telling her that I was just scared and I felt like he is just going to appear around the corner and see me and flip out. My favorite history teacher was walking up the stairs stopped and asked why I was scared, and what was going on, so I filled him in, in the most brief way I could manage through the stutters that took over my voice. Then my favorite history teacher told me that he personally watched my ex leave the school campus, and I let out this huge breath as if I was holding it, which I might have been doing. Thank God I could breathe again. My favorite history teacher assured me that my ex was no longer in the building and I was absolutely safe. And I thanked him a thousand times over as he continued his way up the stairs and he smiled at me before turning the corner.

 My heart was descending back to its' regular speed but my body still was tensed. Just trust. God had my back and He wasn't going to let anything happen. I just need to trust. I'm safe, God is my daddy holding a baseball bat chasing away any evil that threatens me. I'm in God's hands, I'm safe, I'm loved and He won't I give me anything I can't handle. 

Later today I have an art class I get to go to with my favorite art teacher, she used to be my 8th grade art teacher but she retired from teaching middle school and now just offers a community of art. I can't wait to melt into my art, and just let all the tension built up in me be released. Thank God for the gift he has given me, thank God that I can express myself through art and writing and movement. Right now my song is "How Great Is Our God" by: Seventh Day Slumber. 

Tuesday, April 26, 2011


Today I was reminded of why I love my Applied Plant Biology teacher so much. We are doing this huge project designing a landscape or garden of some kind. I was stumped, I didn't know where to go with it, I knew I didn't want to do a classic fantasy garden or a maze or something everyone else would do. Being me I automatically wanted something different. I didn't know how though. So today my teacher comes over to me and asks "What are you passionate about?" and my response was almost robotic with the immediate "dance". He told me to create a garden of movement, a garden of dancers or an outside pavilion or something. Of course then my idea hit me. It would be centered around a stage for dance performances, but I wouldn't stop there, the paths would look like a giant tree if you were to look down on it from above; and within the garden and the way the plants were laid out, it would look like a soring bird. The theme of movement with a bunch of trees with long branches and flowers of all kinds; things that could be blown in the wind and gazebos.

After school I was lucky to go to a yoga class which was amazing. Just to be in tuned with your body and aware of your breath through each movement. It makes me feel alive, just as dance makes me feel alive. To feel my muscles moving under my skin. Just honoring the body God gave me by experiencing it and admiring the ability of it. How miraculous it is in itself, that it is completely functional when there are so many ways it could go wrong yet it doesn't. We were doing handstands and the instructor went up into a handstand so gracefully and I let out an admirable "you're so pretty" then immediately said "not in a creepy way just the way the body moves" and then he replied "of course I understand, life is beautiful, being human is beautiful" and he hit it on the nose. Life is so beautiful, moving, experiencing life, is beautiful. So my passion isn't just dance, but it's movement. The beauty of movement, whether if it's the stroke of a paint brush or the brush of the air on your skin when you leap into the air, or the feeling of flexing your feet in a handstand and clawing the mat.

Today it really brought to my attention how grateful I am to be alive. I was so close to just give it up, to just end it all. I forgot the beauty of life. I couldn't remember how to live fully with out dancing. But God brought it to my attention that I can dance in His Wonderland, and I would be alive in a whole new way. I am alive in Christ, which makes life so much more beautiful. Now the simple breath I fill my chest with every minuet impresses me and makes me recognize the amazing craftsmanship God put into my being, into our being. God gave us the gift of movement, and I love it.

Draft of garden, BASIC BASIC:

Sunday, April 24, 2011

The Resurrection

Today really is showing me how unstable and capricious I am. I am doing a balancing act on a tall, rickety, cracked, temperamental, tower whipping around in a thunder storm. It is so easy to fall back and forth between being superfluously happy and distraughtly depressed. Which is entirely scary when you're in the storm of the world, telling you to be this and be that and do this and do that. I'm so fragile. It's interesting how when I try to hold on to the physical things of the world I slip more to the point where I am hanging on the edge of the tower. If I would just look up I would see Jesus reaching out to me to stabilize me and be my strength. That if I would just reach over I would be moved to a new tower, a tower of hope and love and joy and strength.

Today I have been feeling the tug of the world. Even though this day is incredibly happy. I went to church in the best mood possible, just filled with the joy of Easter, but I came home and its like a cloud sank in around me. Unexplained. And I am so tempted to just sit in my sullen mood and just let it swallow me, but if I just look up and look into the love Jesus has shown me.

Before being a Christian I never truly understood the point of Easter. I mean how could I? I didn't know Jesus. To me and to so many people Easter is just another holiday to give gifts and eat exuberant amounts of candy, and for stores to milk major money out of customers. A time to let imaginations of children fly with the idea of a bunny going all around the world leaving eggs filled with candy for a special hunt and baskets full of treats.

But no! That isn't what easter is about! Easter is the most important holiday and time in history for the world! It's Jesus' resurrection! Without this day, the whole entire Christian religion would be in vain! This is the beautiful day that Jesus conquered the grave! And He gave us hope all over again, and proved that He was the son of God! That He is the way to heaven, and He loves us so much! This day is so joyful and exciting and brilliant over all.

Jesus died on the cross, went down into the grave, and on Sunday, he rose from the dead! This is a reflection of the life he has granted me, and has given the same opportunity for everyone. He is reaching out to everyone on the unstable, rickety, towers that sway in the storms of the world. He wants us to be engulfed in his love. It is a reminder of my brokenness and my hurt before I knew Jesus and how he gave me a new life, gave me the power to rise from that and lead a new life.

So I wish everyone a happy Easter and remember how great this day is! Don't get lost in the commercial view of the holiday.

Saturday, April 23, 2011

Shoe Fetish

I blame prom. But really I can't blame anyone but myself, I love shoes. I usually don't want to spend money on shoes but I had money and I saw shoes. At first I just was going to buy my prom shoes:
Black pumps with sparkles all over! Its like those fake princess shoes little girls wear that are covered in sparkles only adultified! When I was shopping with my aunt we found a pair of cute little strappy heals with a bow on the side, but when I saw these and put them on, I broke out in a happy dance and pranced around the store, "So are these the ones?" my Aunt asked, and all I could do in response was jump around in glee. Then I realized the need for flats because when I went country dancing I was dancing barefooted all night, which isn't really an issue for me but maybe for running around town I should have a pair of flats that weren't completely worn through and torn. So I started to look on for a pair of cheep cute flats, and well then I came across these:
OOO YAY! They are so pretty!! AND! Only $30!!!! So I bought them, I simply couldn't resist. But they wont be here for another "10-13 business days". Hopefully I can wait till then. But of course I still need the flats that I was originally hunting. Then I went over to the Rue 21 in down town and was with my little sister so she could keep me in line and remind me what I was really shopping for. I told her to "KEEP ME AWAY FROM THE PRETTY HEALS!!!!" and when ever we were near them she would say "MEG! DON'T TURN AROUND! WALK AWAY!" so I could skip away without seeing the tempting pretty shoes. I eventually came out of the store with these:
 Pretty, simple, black, "goes with anything", flats. Just what I needed. Now I am not allowed to go near any more shoe stores for a couple months, which is great because I live in the mountain town where the only store that doesn't cost $200 per item is Wal-Mart. Yay....... But I should be safe unless I suddenly gain the skill to teleport to and from random places like Harry Potter in the Deathly Hallows. But in all honesty I would probably teleport to somewhere like California rather than a pretty shoe store because I have my family and one of my best friends out there. So if anyone knows how to teleport, please contact me and let me know how and I would be greatly thankful and will give you an autographed 30 Second To Mars CD cover. (Yes autographed by the band not me, unless you want my autograph I'd gladly give that too :D)

Friday, April 22, 2011

Country Dancing

I know, when you first hear it, you think "hick", "lame", "nerd", or whatever, BUT country dancing has to be the funnest kind of dance I have done ever! I went to a country dancing club in Utah just the other night, and I didn't know anything. My friend from church just told me to stand on the side of the dance floor and wait for someone to ask you to dance. I had a bunch of people ask me to dance and as each one pulled me onto the dance floor I told them I didn't know what the heck I was doing. Each of them nicely taught me some basic moves, everything from the dip to the window to the candlestick and the basic in and out and spins. One finally started to teach me some lifts and fancy dips, I was practically flying! If I wasn't spinning I was twirling, if I wasn't twirling I was going in circles, if I wasn't going in circles I was flying! I had to put my trust in these random people that they wouldn't drive me into a wall because I was being led, I haven't had the experience of being led in a dance before. Just be a malleable dancer who moves in the direction in which she is moved to. It was so much fun, I laughed the whole time. One boy said to me "you have too much energy to be left at the side of the dance floor" and he danced with me the most, he even asked at one point "are you a dancer" and I told him yes but not a partner dancer or a country dancer, just lyrical and jazz and a little bit of hip hop. He pointed out how far I could kick my leg with one lift. I really wish I could see how high I was getting because it felt high. It was so much fun. And you would think line dancing would get boring but trying to catch on was tons of fun, I got a few of them halfway through each song. It was way more fun than just shaking your butt and grinding up on someone, there were actual steps and you could mix them up as much as you want, it was completely exhilarating! So much fun I can't say it enough! I even got in for free for being a "Colorado Girl". I really want to go again and find a place like that near home! So MUCH FUN!! For those of you who haven't tried it should try it, even if you don't like country music or know how to country dance, honestly its worth looking in to!

A Side Note: There was a random guy though who was twirling around glow sticks. Honestly glow sticks and country aren't the best mix, it's quite funny. I can see head lines now "Country Gone To A New Level" and have a guy in a cowboy hat and boots twirling around neon glow sticks!

Wednesday, April 20, 2011

"Do you believe in God; Written on the bullet"

It's been 12 years since the Columbine Shooting. It breaks my heart to see how many people are effected. Just because it was 12 years ago doesn't mean it doesn't still have the same sorrow behind it. My Aunt brought up a good point to me today, we commonly forget the family of the boys responsible. Should we not share the same compassion towards them? Its events like this where one needs to spread their compassion over everyone like a warm, loving quilt and wrap it around them as if they are your family. We really are all just one big family if we separate each of us with names, race, nationality, sexuality, or whatever it may be.

When ever I think of Columbine, I think of the song Cassie, by: Flyleaf. It reminds me that it isn't just another news story we hear on the television or read about on the internet, it is real and it effected real families. For those who identify themselves as Christians, would you say you believed if a gun was pointed at you? The power and inspiration of the faith those people had to say yes, even though they knew the end result. My Aunt also brought up the fact that there are countries that will kill you for being a Christian, would you still be strong in your faith? Would you be willing to say that you believe in God?

So take this day and dedicate it to remembrance, and send out your prayers for the families and friends who lost their loved ones, pray for comfort and healing of that hurt.

Sunday, April 17, 2011

Day Of Silence Journal 04/15/11

So the Day of Silence was a lot more difficult this year, it really came down on me hard to true meaning of it, especially when people kept making "gay" jokes at me, any ways at one point in the day I couldn't handle it so I used my pass to the counselors' office and ended up writing this:

April 15th, 2011
How do you tell someone how you feel without speaking and without writing an essay. How do you defend yourself without words? The meaning of Day Of Silence is so much more powerful when experiencing it, hearing about it doesn't compare. The feeling of isolation puts you in a daze, where you forget about the "importance" of every day conversations. The lack of talking even drys out your throat and when you do speak again your voice cracks on the choked out words. Day Of Silence isn't just a protest against bullying or something to bring attention to others, but it's to bring a more intense, tangible, awareness to the participants. I tell people it's not as hard as it sounds, just to get them to do it, but in all reality it is hard and stressfull and saddening to an extent however it is also enlightening and eye opening and incredibly, absolutely powerful. Anyone who has participated the whole day would know. It's inspirational, The lack of a voice is so disabling and makes you almost handicapped. You want to just YELL at the people who are so ignorant it makes you want to shake them. How can someone so easily make fun of a NATIONAL ISSUE? There are kids out there who go to school in fear, diaphragm shaking, suffocating, shuttering, inevitable fear. Fear of getting beat up or harassed or even of being killed, just because THEY ARE WHO THEY ARE! As human beings we all want to fit in one way or another. No one wants to be isolated or along or abandoned, no one. The whole idea of having superiority to judge one another is asinine! God is the only one who can judge. He is the only perfect being. He is the only on who knows someone in their hearts and minds, inside and out, fully. NO ONE ELSE CAN KNOW! So why do people think they know better, when really no one knows someone better than God. So Lord help me be strong as I venture back into this battle field, because this does not end at the Day Of Silence. This is reality for so many people. 

Tuesday, April 5, 2011

Don't Know Where To Start

I know I need to write for my own good, but sometimes I don't know what to write. I also know I haven't written in my blog for some time now, and I don't know what to write. So many things happen in one's life but there is only so much that one can blog about with out getting other people in their life upset or offended. I know that if I found a blog that used my name, and I hadn't talked to that person about sharing my story, then I would be upset. Especially if it was my full name and full names of other people around me. If anything change the names, and then people that are close to you can know the true story, but if some creeper came around and looked at it then it wouldn't reveal a personal life. Maybe the fear of getting stalked or harassed is my main issue. When one posts something on the internet, its on there for the world to see. I try to keep things vague when I write about personal issues, unless I have had previous permission or request to use the name. But even then I wouldn't use their full name. I guess this issue arose in my mind when I read a blog of some one who had hurt me in the past and was using my family members and my, full name. There's no confidentiality in the whole thing. But what do I say, I would never want to take someone's right to blog and express themselves away from them just because it was about me. It wasn't mean or anything, in fact it was incredibly flattering, but it was extremely inappropriate for the world to read freely. But I also fear that if I were to tell someone directly I would make the blogger mad because they feel like I'd be interfering with  their life too much. Its very confusing and and stressful. Those who are close to me know what I am talking about, and I'm okay with that. My mom always told me to be able to live up to what I say and do, and if you can't own up to it, then don't do it. So much is going on, I just need to figure out how to sort it in my head. I think prayer has helped a lot, so for those of you reading this, if you could pray for me, that would be greatly appreciated. I have to go to class now :)