Tranquility

It dawned on me as I stood by the seashore, waves licking the white sand, my problems and high school drama are miles away. No one could call me or text me to bother me about it. I felt a sense of serenity. More peace and tranquility washed over me as if the ocean itself was the solution to any stress I ever had. At first the idea of being on an island made me slightly claustrophobic, but now it feels more relinquishing than when I was in the mountains with miles to go in any direction. As if the mountains were more restricting than the vast ocean. The sun set stirred something in me, like I could finally breathe, I felt even older than I already feel. Really I've always felt older than I really am. Like I've lived several times before and that this really isn't my first rodeo, even if it appears that way.  I feel older than the high school drama and older than the petty issues that seem to be earth shattering to most 18 year olds. And it's not just because I can drink here haha. Now I need to find this aura within myself. I don't want to be dependent on the world around me. Just like my sense of confidence, I need to find my happiness from within and from God rather than be dependent on man's opinion or approval.

The heat of the island grills me and I openly accept the heat, hoping to trap some of it in my skin as if I could bring it back home with me. That way even when it's below freezing I could still be warm with the island's humid heat rolling in my pores. I wish I could just swallow the air and let it reside in me. I wish I could contain this beautiful atmosphere within my body, as if I could house it like I house the Holy Spirit. Today I got to experience another one of God's miracles in action. I went to a place called Stingray City. Basically I went to a sandbank that was waist deep and got to pet and feed stingrays. The way they caressed my legs with their fins (do you call them fins?) was magical they were ridiculously soft. Softer than a baby. Maybe if you slathered a baby with lotion and didn't rub the lotion all the way in, thats how it felt. They were all girls, and beautiful girls they were. I pet them and held them, I wanted to keep it. It was adorable. They are the most empathetic hypersensitive creatures ever. If you were super nervous they felt it, and reflect it, if you were loving and ready to just hold and pet and love on them, they were exactly the same way. At one point I was holding one, another was behind me rubbing up on me and there was another at my feet rubbing up on me. They were so soft but strong. At one point I found myself saying to them "Whoa girls you're gonna knock me over". Really what I could compare them to are ballerinas. So beautifully elegant and beautiful and they practically danced from person to person, but they were strong! You had to have a good footing because if they decided they liked you they aren't going to just brush up on you they are going to lay on you. When I fed them it was so crazy. It must have been where the inspiration for a vacuum came from. They sucked the squid out of my hand with no hesitance. I had a good grip on the squid too. I was holding it like an ice cream cone but with a firm grip so that the ocean didn't wash it out of my hand. Oh I loved them though. I want one for a pet! If I lived here I would want to be a tour guid if I could, or just go to it every single weekend. Of course that's in my hypothetical world where I am obviously rich. These things are so beautiful though. Their eyes were way more apparent than I ever thought, the anatomy of it was ten times more fascinating than any picture could ever express. They were so simple yet intricate and I wish I could have kept it. God is so good! He makes such beautiful creatures! It just blows my mind.

Thanks for reading :)

Grand Cayman

I do not understand how it can be soooo freezing at home and then so warm here at the same time. Well I am in Grand Cayman after all. Let me just rant about how much life sucks.

This morning I woke up just before 10 in a bed full of feather pillows. Then I immediately got my swimsuit on and a little sun dress over it so my mom and I could walk down to go kayaking. The hotel is so intensely air conditioned for some reason I got it in my head that it must be chilly outside, even though when we were outside the night before it was as warm as a summer day in CO. We opened the doors to outside and we were rushed with a wave of moist heat. Crazy! The sky is amazingly blue and the sun was so bright I walked with my eyes mostly closed for majority of the way to the stand to get the kayaks. My mom and I reached the white pure sand and removed our sandals. Stepping into the sand was like a mini bit of heaven engulfing our feet. The sand wasn't all too hot, just warm, and it was clean. Okay I know you're thinking "meghann, sand is not clean, what are you on....can I have some?" NO! I'M NOT ON ANYTHING! The sand was just sand, not rocks, not sticks, not seaweed, SAND! It was soft, walking was practically a moving foot massage. Behind the stand for the water sports, were these two hot beach ritz boys. You know, the blonde tan ones that they save for remakes of Baywatch. He had us sign and write our room number and basically handed us the kayak and lifejackets and told us to not go past the buoys. Mom and I paddled out into the clear multi colored water. The white sand was still visible through the turquoise and light blue waters. We maneuvered the kayak like dorks, turning in a gazillion different ways, usually not the way we wanted to go, we even accidentally hit someone else's kayak. Where are the breaks on those things anyways? As my mom and I enjoyed the scenery her hat flew off. She immediately jumped out of the kayak and swam towards it. After she retrieved it I had to paddle over to her so she could hop back in. But I think subconsciously she wasn't done being in the water because just as soon as she was back in the boat she fell back out on the other side. I can't blame her really I wanted to hop in the water too, just thought I would wait till we returned the kayak and then go into the swimming area, but she just couldn't wait. :) We headed back to shore and gave the boat back. The water is bathtub water warm. We literally just stood in the ocean, it was so nice. She and I are so much more used to the freezing water of california that if you want to go in you have to take trips in and out, 2 minuets in 10 minuets out 1 minuets in 20 minuets out. Unless you had a wet suit, but get real who wears a wet suit unless you're going surfing. Here if I wanted to go surfing on the nonexistent waves I could practically do it naked and still be comfortable. After that we went over to the pool and lounged on some sun beds. I felt like a cat, soaking up all the sun. I was so blissfully warm you could have probably successfully fried and egg on my back. I even got some color, and not red! The mexican part of my cultural makeup kicked in and I'm semi tan... granted I'm tan compared to my usual skin, not compared to other people, that's just not fair. We lounged there for a bit and I will probably go back down.

Obviously my life sucks.

Really when I look at this I can't help but just be praying over and over Thank You God! It's so beautiful. God continuously takes my breath away with his creations. Seriously it's pure art. God is the ultimate sculptor and the ultimate painter. The sky, the ocean, everything. The people. I think the dark dark skin is so beautiful, it's like they are melty dark dark chocolate, creamy and smooth and full. I think I need to start drawing darker people. A whole other form of inspiration. Praise God for this beautiful chance I have to experience this beautiful place that He made.


P.S. It's pirate week in Cayman, so if you're randomly here too and see a pirate running around, thats why.

Thanks for reading.

I'm Sorry

Eyes lock,
There is no fear,
Only empathy,
There is no sneer,
Only gazing helplessly.

You may think I loathe you,
You may think I despise you,
I merely wish I could explain,
I desire no harm,
Or sorrow nor pain.

I pray for a healing,
A new transition,
A fresh life.
Replaying a nonexistent conversation,
Repeatedly in mind.

I want to shelter you,
With wings of an eagle.
Protect you from stormy winds,
Prevent a deathly frost.

But that isn't my obligation,
My responsibility.
No matter how willing I may be,
It's not healthy for you or me,

But look and see,
I still care for thee.