Grand Cayman

I do not understand how it can be soooo freezing at home and then so warm here at the same time. Well I am in Grand Cayman after all. Let me just rant about how much life sucks.

This morning I woke up just before 10 in a bed full of feather pillows. Then I immediately got my swimsuit on and a little sun dress over it so my mom and I could walk down to go kayaking. The hotel is so intensely air conditioned for some reason I got it in my head that it must be chilly outside, even though when we were outside the night before it was as warm as a summer day in CO. We opened the doors to outside and we were rushed with a wave of moist heat. Crazy! The sky is amazingly blue and the sun was so bright I walked with my eyes mostly closed for majority of the way to the stand to get the kayaks. My mom and I reached the white pure sand and removed our sandals. Stepping into the sand was like a mini bit of heaven engulfing our feet. The sand wasn't all too hot, just warm, and it was clean. Okay I know you're thinking "meghann, sand is not clean, what are you on....can I have some?" NO! I'M NOT ON ANYTHING! The sand was just sand, not rocks, not sticks, not seaweed, SAND! It was soft, walking was practically a moving foot massage. Behind the stand for the water sports, were these two hot beach ritz boys. You know, the blonde tan ones that they save for remakes of Baywatch. He had us sign and write our room number and basically handed us the kayak and lifejackets and told us to not go past the buoys. Mom and I paddled out into the clear multi colored water. The white sand was still visible through the turquoise and light blue waters. We maneuvered the kayak like dorks, turning in a gazillion different ways, usually not the way we wanted to go, we even accidentally hit someone else's kayak. Where are the breaks on those things anyways? As my mom and I enjoyed the scenery her hat flew off. She immediately jumped out of the kayak and swam towards it. After she retrieved it I had to paddle over to her so she could hop back in. But I think subconsciously she wasn't done being in the water because just as soon as she was back in the boat she fell back out on the other side. I can't blame her really I wanted to hop in the water too, just thought I would wait till we returned the kayak and then go into the swimming area, but she just couldn't wait. :) We headed back to shore and gave the boat back. The water is bathtub water warm. We literally just stood in the ocean, it was so nice. She and I are so much more used to the freezing water of california that if you want to go in you have to take trips in and out, 2 minuets in 10 minuets out 1 minuets in 20 minuets out. Unless you had a wet suit, but get real who wears a wet suit unless you're going surfing. Here if I wanted to go surfing on the nonexistent waves I could practically do it naked and still be comfortable. After that we went over to the pool and lounged on some sun beds. I felt like a cat, soaking up all the sun. I was so blissfully warm you could have probably successfully fried and egg on my back. I even got some color, and not red! The mexican part of my cultural makeup kicked in and I'm semi tan... granted I'm tan compared to my usual skin, not compared to other people, that's just not fair. We lounged there for a bit and I will probably go back down.

Obviously my life sucks.

Really when I look at this I can't help but just be praying over and over Thank You God! It's so beautiful. God continuously takes my breath away with his creations. Seriously it's pure art. God is the ultimate sculptor and the ultimate painter. The sky, the ocean, everything. The people. I think the dark dark skin is so beautiful, it's like they are melty dark dark chocolate, creamy and smooth and full. I think I need to start drawing darker people. A whole other form of inspiration. Praise God for this beautiful chance I have to experience this beautiful place that He made.


P.S. It's pirate week in Cayman, so if you're randomly here too and see a pirate running around, thats why.

Thanks for reading.

I'm Sorry

Eyes lock,
There is no fear,
Only empathy,
There is no sneer,
Only gazing helplessly.

You may think I loathe you,
You may think I despise you,
I merely wish I could explain,
I desire no harm,
Or sorrow nor pain.

I pray for a healing,
A new transition,
A fresh life.
Replaying a nonexistent conversation,
Repeatedly in mind.

I want to shelter you,
With wings of an eagle.
Protect you from stormy winds,
Prevent a deathly frost.

But that isn't my obligation,
My responsibility.
No matter how willing I may be,
It's not healthy for you or me,

But look and see,
I still care for thee.

Critique Addict Anonymous

I have an issue.
I have an addiction.
I can't get enough of peer edit or critique in general. I love critique in dance, fencing, ANYTHING! Correct me because I know I'm wrong in one way or another! Not even wrong, just not the best. I could be better, just tell me how. Today in English class we were doing peer Workshops. Basically, we all get copies of people's poems and then we annotate them. Correct them. Make suggestions. And then so we don't feel like failures we give them reinforcement and comment on what we loved about the poem. I would love to do this for  EVERY one of my poems or essays. I love it. I can see students walking into the conference room with looks of dread, slugging their way forward, dragging their feet, rolling their eyes. But not me, I practically dance into the conference room ready for my writing to be torn apart and put back together. However I like it when they challenge the ideas in the poems, and the rhetoric and the figurative language the poem harbors. I love having my mind stretched in more ways than I initially believed it could! I love it when a teacher looks at my writing and tells me where I could improve. And guess what?! IT'S NEVER ENDING! THERE'S ALWAYS MORE! Same with dance, when I was on the school dance team we would dance the dance in groups so the rest of us could watch and then correct each other, basically playing the role of our mirror only they talk back and point out what we messed up or what we could be sharper with or where we could improve period. I wanted people to find the details to critique on. Tell me that my foot needs to me a little more to the left, or that I needed to get lower on the hip hop or that I need to put my arms straighter up so it looked like a touch down not a high V. All of it! I eat it up! What will I ever do? I am admitting my issue, I'm stating the fact that I want to become better, because there is always better. I want to grow, not stay stuck. Now tell me where did I mess up? ;) Thank you

How I Live

How I Breathe

By: Meghann Gutierrez

This I believe,

            My life is my breath,

I breathe in the present,

For the present is all I have,

            It’s all I have.

The past is merely a memory,

The future—a dream.

An illusion.

But the present is alive!

Flowing through my body,

Like the oxygen I breathe.

            Breathe in the present.

Smell it’s incents, and—

Before I know it… I’m exhaling,

Moving on to the next breath.

So make that breath last!

Take it in fully!

Feel;

It’s movement!

Feel;

It’s life!

Make that breath last.

For how I breathe,

Is how I live.

Don’t hold your breath,

For the dream,

Or the memory!

And I won’t hold mine.

Be alive with me,

For this I believe,

            Our breath is our life. 

This poem was inspired by:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pnNblizjuEk

The Reminder

What do I induce in people? What message is imprinted on their heart? More times then not I catch a defect in my motives, I discover myself yearning for approval of man aloft the endorsement of God. I'm craving to reverberate God's heart, despite my fleshly heart impaling through, insinuating it's better than God's heart. Flipping their hair over their shoulder several will say, "well then don't allow that to happen". I wish it was as easily done as said. It's a continuous struggle. Time after time, I have found myself convicted of loving another person more than I love God. I find myself infatuated with a person and completely at awe; but wait if this person is that great, then how much greater God must be. I'm not saying one shouldn't love people, that's the exact opposite of what we should do. As Christians we are called to love people with the heart wrenching, breath stealing, knee weakening love; as God would love them. As people, we are spiritual beings, not mindless creatures ran by instincts. Who/what really claims my heart? Does my treasure reside in my fleshly desires? Or is it embedded with God's heart? Constantly our pastor will remind us to not just go through the motions of being a Christian, but to truly live it out. In dance sometimes instead of doing the dance full out( as in, dancing as if we were performing at competition right then and there) we just mark it, for a break but we claim that it's really okay because we're thinking about it. Don't do that! Don't mark through life. Don't just think about life, live it! Do it! Dance through life as if you're dancing for God right then in there, even if you don't see Him. Because unlike in dance where the audiance is only watching during the two minuets we are on stage, God is watching and experiencing life with us day by day, moment by moment, breath by breath, move by move. When I was on dance team there was always one girl who would ask before ever dance we did, "Wait is this full out?" Why not just do it full out every time, and if it really was just a time to mark it, well you got to live fully for that much longer and that much more.  We will never get another chance to glorify and honor God in this way ever again, once we are in Heaven it's a whole different dance. Don't take for granted each moment that we are gifted, because each moment has it's value just as each verse in the Bible has it's value. Love with God's heart, not your fleshly heart which only craves rewards from it's "good doings". Love without expectations and love without keeping score or debt. Love should be free, not something that someone has to do this this and that to earn. I want my soul to leave love embedded on people's stories. I want to be the one of many who makes someone's day, or that makes someone feel better. I want to be a woman of God, because He is the only everlasting thing. Everything else perishes and spoils. If I latch onto money, or sex, or food, or things of this earth in general, rather than latch onto God, I will perish just as those things will and will live a life of misery. I don't type this to convict others or be one to condemn others, that's not my goal or wish or desire. I write this mostly as a reminder, a documentation for myself, so when I look back I can see my initial wish, and stay on track. Hopefully this is some form of inspiration to you guys as well, if you all think I'm a loon without a life sitting behind my computer with out a clue, then think that. That's not the impression I wanted to make but everyone has their opinion. Know my heart isn't in this looking for praise or looking for rewards, my heart is in this humbly and genuinely trying to share this beautiful message I gathered today. Our pastor reminds us to give whatever we have, whether it's talents or money or just a smile, abundantly. We are called to join in this beautiful giving, because God gave us the most beautiful gift of all, Jesus. And thank God that He demonstrated this beautiful love, so now we can exude the same sweet love. Thanks for reading this, have a great rest of the day :)